Well, I get married tomorrow.  Unbelievable.  ...BUT  I have about 50 million things to do today.  Why, procrastinatory life, why?!

I love Ryan.  Simple.

I also love God.  ...Even simpler, because he's easy to love.


Can't wait to blog it up on here after the wedding..

peace, love, and shalom.

-Carli Matthews

14 mark

I ran 14 miles last night. FOURTEEN....Okay then! The impossible is possible only with God....and the possible is impossible without him. (I hadn't been running really in a couple months up until 2 weeks ago....totally not conditioned in the slightest, but God allowed it, because I knew he would. Incredible! I asked him to bless my legs...and he did more than that!)

I'm skipping school tomorrow. Who needs learning when you have a wedding in a week and a half!? I'm hoping everything comes together spectacularly. I hope it is so beautiful...and SO FUN! Life is what you make it, ya know!

In many ways, I am dying for the wedding process to be over with so I can just be married and less stressed. I just want to take photos and make music and write to my heart's content. I can't even describe my dreams to you. Life will be good.

Happiness in cul-de-sacs

One day, I'll live on a cul-de-sac and be happy.

I want to be in the city. Oh, the city. Where adventure lies. Where people tell lies. I want to explore the broken down things. And marvel at the new things. I will move to New York, I tell you. Feel what all the people felt when they decided New York City would be their home destination. I'll shop Time Square and when a stranger asks me what time it is, I'll simply reply with a shrug, because who wears a watch these days? When my time is up, I'll move to leftest of coasts and be with my friend, Los Angeles for some time. Smoothly, I'll roll down the sidewalks on my longboard in the shortest of shorts with the loosest of tanks. I'll feel pleasant breezes on my face and taste that hint of salt in the air each evening and morning and there in between. It will fill my veins with peace.

At last, I'll head back to the East Coast to my destination city. MY destination city, Boston. Become a Celtics fan and romanticize their golden architecture. Get lost in a cul-de-sac as snow piles around me and my giant wool scarf. I will point people in the directions of my favorite coffee shops and park. This is my sacred place. And by my side for all of this, there'll be a man. A man that no one else could fathom matching up to. And as Dashboard has said it before, he'll be "the best one of the best ones." And, as lazy days come to an end, we will sigh in relief because we made it.

No one can beat it.

goodbye, hello, hello.

It's been a good thing to realize I am growing up and away from the past. Still, it's not the most simple of tasks. I've been going through a ton of old stuff - papers, school work from high school and early college, photos, writings, etc. Some of it brings back good laughs and smiles, and others are hard to look at and remember. Flipping through pictures of old friends who aren't by my side anymore is sometimes relieving and other times depressing. I had a bulletin board covered with photos of my "best friends" 4 years ago, and most of those friendships have diminished...some of them for the best and others I still don't understand. It's time to quit questioning why.

Today, God has placed amazing people in my life.

I'm not the closest to some, but I am so grateful for them. Many are from my church and others are from Taylor U. and Mexico. I know that even though time and distance keeps us apart, they are still a strong support system...even if we don't talk for months on end. They are still constantly in my thoughts and I know I could count on them.

Then there are a few that I have grown very close to over the past couple years. I'm not very close to a ton of people; I have quiet weekends and busy weekdays and the majority of my "social" life revolves around my dogs and cats (haha) and my family. Obviously, Ryan is my best friend. And I'm glad to have him always by my side. Only 2 more weeks till our wedding day! We're cool kids...learning the things you do in your teens, in our twenties! We are young at heart. And I've grown particularly close to my old grade school friend, Jennifer. She's been one of the few people who actually bother to know what's going on in my life and has always been dependable in the small things. Can't wait to have her by my side at my and Ryan's wedding! And she thinks I'm weird. But I'll take it.

It's getting cooler...which means it's going to be fall soon. I freaking love fall. All things magical happen in the fall.


I know I'm getting older, but this is still my theme song.

http://youtu.be/3LE1Bd_wX1M

Soon I'll be a wedded wife and less stressed. I will take good, fall, Carli-like photos and write sad prose and I'll be so happy.



Good day.

peace, love, and shalom.

-Carli



"We're the coolest kids and we take what we can get."

"You know me. Or you think you do. You just don't seem to see. I've been waiting all this time to be, something I can't define."

"You know the night life is just not for me, because all you really need are a few good friends."

"I don't know why you say goodbye. I say hello."

Things Learned. Idea-Man fails again!

As I write today, I sit with my feet dangling into my warm pool. I should be swimming right about now. I'm using this as my stress reliever.



So far, these are the things I've learned the past few weeks (maybe a few I've always known):

I am Idea-Man. I think of weird, great ideas often and rapidly. Downfall: my mind moves too fast for me to attempt to concentrate on my ideas to execute them properly...hence, my next point.

I am a bad wedding-planner-executor. My wedding would be flawless and ridiculously awesome if I could paint the world that is in my head for reality to see.

I have only a few good friends. (I mean, the ones who really get me.) I am not a social butterfly. I've never planned to be. And I prefer real community with a few, rather than shallow interaction with a multitude. This will always be.

I love education...only if it's quality. At least one of my professors this semester, I can already say, will be one of the best teachers I've ever had. He is leader and I look forward to gaining good insight from him while I have the opportunity. Though I hate assignments and all the extra junk that comes hand in hand with collegiate life, I love learning.

I need my music. I need to write (and not this life blog crap either, but truly write). I need to take beautiful photos. I need to run. And when I do these things, I feel like I'm doing what I was made to do.

I freaking like jelly beans. I busted into a bag that is supposed to be for the wedding. I couldn't resist. I ate so many. My stomach hurts now. Simplicity.

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The impossible is possible...only with God. And the possible is impossible without him. I've been inconsistent (as I've been my whole life) this summer with my running schedule. I hadn't been running but a few times for short distances (maybe 2-4 miles 4 or 5 times) since the beginning of June. I was in a bad predicament, because I had a 10 mile run on Labor Day. I told myself I should probably try to run if I was going to even think about finishing the Labor Day race. Well, a week before I set out to do five, not thinking my body would be able to physically make it, since I'm not in shape at all. I ran nine. It was pretty unbelievable. God blessed my legs. Needless to say, I did the Chris Bohl's run and it was absolutely fantastic. Now, on to the Rock 'n' Roll!


Alright. Until next time, Cheers!

-Carli



"You could list your friends, but you can't count on them."

(another boring life update) ...And a Grandfather's Passing

....Right now I'm feeling so thankful for being literate. Boy, how much we take for granted!

Besides wedding things consuming my mind, so many other things are going on!!! I am a jumbled mess; but that is typical for me.

I'm currently watching Chris Christie give a pretty decent speech. Pretty empowering rhetoric. ...and ideas. (Sorry, I'm more right than left...Don't argue with me.)

School is here again, and in turn, so is the stress. Pile on the work! People applauded for me when I said I was getting married in four weeks during our student intros. Silliness! I do think that this is going to be the best semester thus far. My professors know what's up.

We got back about a week and half ago from San Diego. Oh man, such a good week. Way too short. Way too awesome. I took over 2200 photos........yeah. I should probably delete at least half of them. Still need to upload the last 6 days to my computer and get them edited. I want to do a full photo blog about our trip (so I can go back and remember), but I'll have to save that for another night.

I haven't been playing too much guitar and piano or doing much writing, which is pretty sad, but it's an even busier time than usual for me. Picked up my guitar last week...and it was a good time of worship. No wonder why I miss it so dearly.

I am really excited for my friend Jordan Connell who has recently started an organization, TEAM 314, to help conquer youth homelessness. He is literally running across the nation in hopes of raising awareness and being an inspiration to make a difference. All goes to the glory of God. TEAM 314 has been planning the last several months for this journey that will begin September 15th. Wish I could be a bigger part of the team, but I've got my duties here, to say the least. I truly hope that this effort will reach many people. ...and hopefully it will inspire others to get involved with whatever mission/problem is on their heart, whether for homelessness or something drastically different. We all have our specific callings, we just have to respond to them. Here's TEAM 314's site.

On another note, the morning after we arrived home from vacation, my Grandpa Matthews passed away in his sleep. Really sad. He was a good dad, husband, and Grandpa.

Even through losing one-hundred percent of his sight when my dad was very little, my grandpa had strong faith and was a very joyful man. He was deeply loved. He always laughed about things and had a positive attitude...which I'm sure my crazy Grandma helped him with. The image I will never forget is of Grandpa always holding on to Grandma's arm or shoulder as she would lead him from place to place. Such an awesome relationship of love and trust that takes. I hope for the same kind....to receive and to give.
It'll be sad not to see him around anymore.


Hope to write again soon. Don't hold me to it, though. :)


peace, love, and shalom.

-Carli

Hair and Weddings

Can words express how much I love Ryan Doepke? No, they cannot.

But he hates my music.

I cut my hair. By myself. Bad idea. For the first hour, it looked extremely horrendous. Within the next 45 minutes, it started looking relatively decent. It is now acceptable to go outside the house. I'm too stubborn to go to the hairdresser. I'm sure they would be horrified if they watched a film of me in the act.

Anyways, I just want to note how lovely Angus and Julia Stone are. Amazing. Period. Me and Greg should create music like them. We'd be a good team.

I made Ryan listen to our whole Wedding Day Playlist I have made thus far...success. He enjoyed the fact that I made him watch me dance poorly to every one of the songs. He loved every minute of it. Ask him. I sang an Adele song to my Macy, my dog. Check the song out - "One and Only." Nice and bluesy.

Less than extraordinary days seem to happen to me quite often.

-I frolicked and danced while no customers were in the bank to cheer up Sara. It kinda? worked.

-When the left-turn green arrow appeared, the man in the lane next to me went straight through a red light that we'd been stopped at for a minute. I laughed hard by myself in my car, and thought things such as "What a moron!"

-Ryan brought me China King take out! Then my lenses came in a day early from UPS, and I ignored Ryan the rest of the night!!! I ordered the beauties yesterday morn! Hooray for early Christmas! I can't wait to go experiment outside my house with them when I wake tomorrow. It shall be a good day.

My fool of a dog Macy, looking all sad and cute like usual.


Prince Edmund James- the king of his castle. My, oh, my, what long legs you have!




On a less superficial level, I've been thinking about my Mexican loves and how dearly I miss them. Six months was too much; six months was not enough. Today was Jose Carlos' birthday. Wish I could celebrate con mi amigo!




Aw, te extraño, mi amor. Quiero verte pronto. Te quiero muchisimo. Sometimes, you just gotta let the tears flow.



I can't begin to explain how much I love them and how much I wish distance didn't exist. 'When I think of distance, I think of the knife.'


peace, love, and shalom.

-Carli

The Stakes are High and the Time is Now -Just Color Me Green

Well, friends, the stakes are high and the time is now!

Writing should reach into our inner depths and allow us to discover those things we are afraid to speak. If it is not doing that, we've entirely lost sight of things.

I must write everyday. Observe the world; observe my heart; write.



There once lived a good man named W.H. Auden. (Don't ask me how I just now discovered him.) His writings are timeless and I aspire to be like him.

“How should we like it were stars to burn
With a passion for us we could not return?
If equal affection cannot be,
Let the more loving one be me.”

His words are brilliant. He inspires me to become a better person.

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I've seen many a sloppy, boring writer, and today, I am hoping I'm not one.

I cannot measure myself against my neighbor; I must measure myself against myself. The battle will be a long and tragic road, for the match can never be won. A man can never prevail in a fight against himself, lest he become someone else.





Well, I'm not becoming someone else. People in critique classes want you to become someone else. Sometimes, but rarely, they are helpful. They hope for you to cram into their own tiny, idealistic box. Well, I find it to be much too cramped in there; it's a little stuffy for my liking. And where there is a box they're trying to shove you in, there is most always creativity being stifled.

When it comes to the arts (and one is halfway decent at one), it comes down to mere preference. You don't like my work, suck it! You may not like the color green, still green is a perfectly fine hue without your stamp of approval.

I am green! If you hate green, move on! We were not meant for each other!





peace, love, and shalom.

-Carli

Sad

My heart is sad for a profound reason. I was playing one of my favorite worship songs...just in my bedroom, just me and God and my guitar...playing I Will Not Forget You..



Many men will drink the rain
and turn to thank the clouds
Many men will hear you speak
they will never turn around

But I will not forget you
you are my God and King
with a thankful heart
I bring my offering
And my sacrifice is
not what you can give
but what I alone can
give to you

A grateful heart I give
a thankful prayer I pray
a wild dance I dance before you
a loud song I sing
a huge bell I ring
a life of praise I live before you

Many men will pour their gold
and serve a thing that shines
many men will read your words
they will never change their minds


When I sing the verses, I become more than distraught.

"Many men will drink the rain
and turn to thank the clouds
Many men will hear you speak
they will never turn around
Many men will pour their gold
and serve a thing that shines
many men will read your words
they will never change their minds"

God doesn't get the glory he deserves. Not that he needs our glory necessarily...but he is worthy of every bit of it. So many people will hear God speak or a pull on their hearts. ...or read his word and even agree with it, then turn around and say, "Forget you! " "I'm going my own way." or, "There's not really a God..or if there is, there's too many options...I can't just choose one."

I want people to see how good God is. I want them to accept how he loves us. I want them to acknowledge God's beauty. I want them to have the best life possible. But they turn around, and close their ears, being too stubborn to even give the thought of God the time of day. I just want more people to join in this love with me. To understand how wonderful it is to be connected with the one who made the stars. To see how freeing and uplifting it is to finally acknowledge his presence. I want the best for you. I don't want to control your life. God definitely doesn't want to control your life. He wants you to have the most excellent, burdensome-free life possible. I wish you'd just try it... I want that for you. I hope you would want that for yourself.